well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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