So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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