maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
