how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
