Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
