I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Please don't give away my fajitas
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
