He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
