I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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