That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Bring me that man meat
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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