just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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