if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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