My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
