she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
