Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
