12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
