hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
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