who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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