Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
