Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
