do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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