All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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