her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I can't put those talents on a resume
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
