You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
