I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I need to calm my uterus...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
