I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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