I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
