Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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