Already got asked if we're dating
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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