Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
why do cheetos always look like penises
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
