I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Are we still banned from the library?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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