Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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