reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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