I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i already hear my dad disowning me
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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