I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
