Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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