Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
