Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
