so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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