There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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