hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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