I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
