oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
