you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
