jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
