it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
