This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Oh god it's open bar.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
