My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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