I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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