i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
