I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
