Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
