He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
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